Well I finally turn 21 and 10 days. The day I’ve been waiting for my whole life… EXTREMELY ironic considering the fact that I’m over partying before I even turn 21.  wooo…! weird..?

I am def in a very… different part of my life then I have ever been. Its weird. I mean its weird in a good way. I’m over my superficial lifestyle of partying almost every night with a bunch of people who don’t even give a damn shit about me. Now with all those fake friends gone, life is so much better.. constantly being around people who have absolutely no priorities in life was bringing me down. Now I’m focusing on my school and things are going great.

Well… one thing could go better! A JOB would be much appreciated. LOL

Sometimes I miss a select few of my friends from GA, I wish flights weren’t so expensive so I could see them, so they could see ME! Kind of a weird thing, my roommate just moved to Georgia, so weird… Time flies by so fast but yet so slow… Just 6 years ago (WOW 6 YEARS AGO!!!) I was moving to GA and HATING my life and my parents for it. Just 4 years ago I was begging my parents to stay in Georgia and not move back to California. haha Life is so weird.. You go through life meeting people that will make a huge difference in your life.. then one day you will realize you never talk anymore and prolly never will.. I guess for that reason alone it is so important to enjoy your life in the present time.. it may not feel like the best happiest funnest moment of your life while its taking place, but when you look back on it you will see it as one of your best times of your life. I think all the time how much I miss high school and how I could re-live it all!!! and not have all these responsibilities and worries of being an adult. BEING AN ADULT FUCKING SUCKS!!!! Having money troubles, having responsibilities, having to do shit on your own, not being able to go to your parents for everything and have them figure it out for you.  This is starting to actually make me really sad… daily I struggle with life’s kicks in the ass, and I get stressed worried irritated. I don’t get to appreciate life as much as I’d like. Its kind of hard to do things without money that is def one problem. The only thing you can do without it is go on a picnic to the park or hike. Even camping cost money, supplies, tent, rent space. Its hard for me to bc I have a problem doing things alone. If I am alone I don’t like to leave home. I’m constantly alone… boyfriend is constantly working, family is too busy to notice me, and too far to afford the gas money to get there.. When I’m not studying or looking for jobs is when I feel really alone.

I wish more people would give me the chance to touch their lives, the way so many people in the past have touched my life. I really am a good person, I am caring, I like to talk, I like to know whats going on in peoples lives, help them with their problems, and LISTEN. Most people are too busy for that. Too busy for anything, to busy to even pay attention to their child, their cat, their dog, their significant other. and by busy I don’t just mean physically busy but also mentally busy bc their brain occupies them constantly, their brain can never relax. I must say I am apart of these people. But I am trying to change. Trying to have more faith that everything will be alright, and give my mind some peace so I can appreciate the person right in front of me because they deserve to be noticed. 

I’m so tired of letting life go by right in front of me and me not being… truly happy or just enjoying it. I need to enjoy life more!!! Within the blink of an eye my life can be gone, within a blink of an eye one of my loved ones could be gone. I don’t know what I would do if that ever happened to me right now. I am not prepared for that, mostly because I have not got to spend quality time with every single one of my loved ones.. Partially not my fault either though..Life is hard.. yes its hard.. but its hard for everyone, if everyone else can get through it then so can I. I will try my hardest to not be so uptight (worried and irritated all the time) and instead let loose, take a deep breath, realize my surroundings and realize how fortunate I am and just relax and take it in :) I can and I WILL do This! Another REALLY important thing that I want to do is appreciate nature more! Nature is one of my favorite things in life next to music, I want to go hiking more often, I want to go camping! I want to travel the world and see the scenery, nature, and landscape that all the different places have to offer. I think I just figured out my first bucket list entry! 

Well I hope you enjoyed this if anyone even actually read the whole thing.

Whether I know you or not, if anyone needs someone to talk to, some advice or just someone to listen. PLEASE come to me, I really do get the greatest pleasure helping people and being here for anyone. :)!